Secret Between Host and God
by bandcrazy01
Summary: Set helps Amos out of a possible mistake he considers making. Between Throne of Fire and Serpents Shadow. One-shot. WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. Rated T.


Inhaling the chilly desert air, he peered down with observing eyes, unsure of his grip on the pillar as his footing planted itself uncertainly on the stony railing. I slowly walked in; eyes narrowing as I quietly took in the overwhelming thoughts swimming in his head. The wind brushed past him, lifting the leopard cape of the Chief Lector, as if Shu himself was telling him it was a bad idea.

He was seriously considering it. Even weighed what would most likely take him, the fall or the impact. The several still eyes his mind had made urged him to take an extra step, just walk right off the edge. After all, it's 'his fault'.

"Kane," I finally spoke up, keeping my tone soft to not startle him.

"Evening Set," he spoke as if he suspected I'd show, not really a welcoming tone either.

I slowly made my way towards him, stopping a foot away, as his eyes stayed on the desert sand below. The jump is at least a hundred feet, the sand would probably equal concrete at this height. "Why don't you come down from there?" I nonchalantly suggested. "You're in dire need of rest."

He let out a snort from amusement. "And stare back at the blank eyes demanding a reason why?" His voice shook, shoulders sank to the thought.

"Amos," I caught my voice pleading for him to hear me; "you've formed that on your own. They are _not_ doing that-"

"I dare you to name another Chief Lector that has allowed so much death within a month of his reign." Amos' tone spoke with a hint of disdain, testing me to prove him wrong.

His thoughts poured anxiety into my nerves. It's just a matter of words to keep him from taking that step off. "Name a Chief Lector that's had to deal with Apophis if you want to be like that." I kept my voice smooth in hopes to calm him down.

A shaky laugh was his answer, his thoughts knowing I'm right. "I can't sleep, you know that."

"That's not why you're threatening to jump," I pointed out quickly.

He finally turned to face me; I could tell his pulse was thumping over the images racing through his head. Still gripping the pillar with his right arm, still refusing to come down from the edge. I shot him a worried look, allowing him to know my feelings. He knows I can cover it, and it only added more distress on his mind.

"You would quickly move on, don't be like that." Amos cried, closing his eyes as the tears took over. "You probably have a backup plan of a host by now anyways, I've been thinking about it for a while-"

"I have yet to," I corrected quickly. "You're not like the other hosts that preceded you. You have to stop lowering yourself; you're stronger than this." My tone pleaded, still hoping to reach out to him.

"I can't go lower, Set," Amos continued. "I'm already there, it's just a matter of someone stepping on me-"

"I've already promised protection against that, Kane." I took a slow step that his eyebrows furrowed to.

"Says the one that helped me kill my brother in the first place." A layer of disdain imprinted in his words.

Despite it all, he still fears it. Fears I'll grab him by the throat and throw him back into the dark corner again, allow him to burn there despite his suffering. Trust is on shaky grounds, something I wish he would just allow once to see that I actually do care. Allow me an opportunity to reflect my words. But he hasn't, simply out of fear.

His relationship with his brother was far closer than mine with Osiris. He looked up to him, though it irritated him to no end to see Julius try to play the 'big brother' role. He still loved him, despite the damage he caused to their family name and leaving him alone in the mansion for six years. Like an endearing fan that repeatedly brushes off the faults by claiming said person is human too.

Exactly the reason we've found ourselves here. He only took my path for two reasons. The first being apparently that I'm a useful ally to keep a good set of eyes on. The other being that he understood my vicious envy, because he did have moments of inferiority to Julius despite it all.

And those hateful words were unfortunately not aimed at me. No, he blames himself for allowing me to entomb our older brothers. I've given up on trying to persuade him otherwise, I've discovered it just makes it worse.

"Amos," I started after sighing in my own stress from the occurring situation. "You're just going to have to put up with me talking you down from there. I'm the only one that even knows you've grown suicidal in the first place."

"Best if you keep it that way," Amos' eyes held a cold look, but his mind spoke of how much more he would beat down on himself if I did spread the word.

"Look, the dead only haunt you if you let them," I managed to sputter out. "Those eyes are not looking at you in question. They're telling you to not let it be in vain."

A hurtful laugh escaped him, eyes watering as he shook his head in disbelief. "You don't even know what you're talking about. Just leave me be."

"What will happen once word spreads of you jumping tonight?" I snapped, pissed off now to my host's selfish feelings spiraling out of control. "The Per Ankh will fall if you pull through with this. The world is doomed to dissolve once you hit the sand you've been staring at for the past ten minutes. Those eyes you've altered in your head will add up because you 'slipped'."

Amos' eyes closed, swallowing down my words. "At this rate, I don't think we even have a chance no matter what we do. Maybe I should have gone after Menshikov, beat Desjardins there. He would have given everyone a better chance at survival-"

"That moron would have slaughtered the entire Brooklyn House for hosting Gods, therefore destroying his only chance of beating Apophis," I snarled. "Amos Kane, get down from the railing and go back inside. You just need to get your mind on something else, stop dwelling on all of this, it's happened and you can't change it."

He was about to retort when the door opened, a young Arabic woman taking in the scene with wild eyes, pulling her staff out. It took me a second to see she was aiming to battle me, which earned an eyebrow rise. "Release him, or be banished like you should have been the last-"

She was quickly interrupted by Amos yanking her staff out of her grip. Silence for a minute between the three of us, Amos' breathing evening out as Zia took him in with wide amber eyes. "Sir, what happened?" She finally managed to ask.

He took a deep breath, allowing himself to relax finally. "Zia, this is _not_ what you think it is."

She doubted that, after all, I'm the God of Chaos. And he has yet to even speak of our deal, both of us knowing what people will think. It wouldn't really surprise anyone if I did possess him again, especially Amos for that matter. I grinded my teeth to the thought, is there really nothing anyone actually likes about me?

"Then what is it like?" She spoke crossly.

"A mental brush up to ready for the next few days." My other eyebrow lifted, a small smile of acknowledgement to my host's words.

Her eyes narrowed, "With the Red Lord as your therapist?"

Amos hesitated to hand her staff back, to which she took without a hint of continuing to attack. "Zia, you can say I've sold my soul to the depths of the Duat." Amos finally let out, only a twinge of relief for spilling. "And despite what you think, he was helping more than you would comprehend."

_By keeping you from jumping until she got here_, I resorted to telepathy, at ease that his mind had finally shut out everything that was drilling violently through him seconds ago.

Amos turned to glare at me, which I just smiled. "Let's discuss this inside. It's kind of cold out here." Amos urged her to go inside.

Zia shot me a hate filled look before going in, Amos quickly closing the door behind him. The lock sounded seconds after, making me laugh a bit from amusement. _Don't be mad because I told you so._

_Will you please go away? I can't juggle two different conversations at once!_ Amos complained immediately.

My grin beamed in reply. _Alright, I'll leave you the night in peace. I'll be back tomorrow morning though._

**I recognize this is a short one-shot but I couldn't think of what else to write for it. Wrote it out of boredom. Please review and thank you for reading!**


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